I’m all for trying new trends, new diets, new apps. But I rarely stick with them for very long at a time. Seems that my attention span is quite short, or else I feel that I don’t experience results fast enough. That was the case with meditation, the dukan diet, the soup diet and a plethora of other fads. Now I know that someone like me need to be vigilant about my health and eat correctly, exercise and meditate, and that it might even take my meds away – but changing habit is just so hard! The only thing that I’ve stuck to is taking my meds, and maybe because it’s so easy.
So enter the newest easy app on the horizon of health enhancement- Hello Mind . What seemed attractive in this hypnosis app, is the ease whereby you can get a treatment at home laying in bed. And it’s not dangerous in any way. I know that you may be thinking; what if I fall asleep? what if I’m accidentally turned into a chicken? Won’t happen.
I’ve done a few sessions and basically it feels like the meditation apps but just a bit more silly in the voice over. Not that I mind. Having to loose 20 excess kg (meds, baby, good food, wine, will do that to you), I’ve decided to start out with some food management help to eat healthier. If this works, I plan to try the motivation for fitness and the treatment for touch sensitivenes. Yes, there is such a treatment. Might help out with my sex life. So high hopes for this one. I will keep you posted on the progress.
So I like a glass of wine once in a while. Actually, I’m always the last person to leave a party. So I really like a glass of wine once in a while. But how does that affect you when you are on medication? Doctors and leaflets all proclaim that you will be more sensitive to alcohol if you are one medication. Need less to feel the effect. My verdict? Mostly true. I feel it faster and I get more serious headaches.
So my advice is pretty simple. Drink slowly and make sure that you keep an eye on how you are feeling. All medication and all people are different. And drink responsibly. Especially now that you are on already on the crazy boat. Which is an ok place to be.
Another weekend is just ending and my second week back on meds is just beginning. So far so good. No side effects that are terrible – the hangovers have gone away and I’m actually enjoying the buzz a bit every night after I take my little pill. Guilty, I know it’s drugs and you probably shouldn’t enjoy it. Let’s call it a positive side effect.
I’m still having difficulty feeling my body though, just like many with schizotypal personality disorder. This was one of the reasons why I chose to go back on medication, this crazy unattachment to my body. One thing that is changing with my body, is my libido. It seems that the indifference or even repulsion that I’ve had over sex is going away. Slowly. And I’m not jumping to any conclusions, but that seems pretty good! Being in your body this way, is one of the most primal and natural situations and being able to relax in it feels pretty good. Also in my head. And also for my relationship. No surprise there, this has been a big struggle for us as it is often difficult for partners to understand the situation fully.
My body awareness is awful. Really, really awful. Having schizotypal personality disorder, or actually something just outside that box, means that my relationship with my body fluctuates. Sometimes, I’m in control and feel at home in my body. Then, I’m in total balance. Which is my goal.
But when I’m not, it can get so bad that my hands (legs, ears, pinkies etc.) don’t feel like my own and I can’t recognize myself in the mirror. That’s when the whole seperate reality starts kicking in. More on that in a different post. I’m so used to it that by now I don’t think too much about it, my autopilot just takes me for a spin and nobody ever notices what is going on inside my head.
SO what can you do to ‘feel’ your body? All sensory experiences are options, which is anything that primarily involves the body and not my overactive brain. My brain tends to hijack these experiences as well though, food for example is not purely sensory but also a subject for highly analytical brain activities. So I’m making a list of positive experiences and will work my way through it:
- exercise – the hard kind that will hurt a bit and make you taste blood. Ok, maybe not every time, but that’s the gist.
- massage – by having someone else touch your body, to me it seems more ‘real’
- meditation – goal is to get rid of the thoughts and focus on bodily experiences
- sex – don’t suppose I need to explain that one, but practice helps
Challange: get brain to not participate analytically in any of the above activities
Will keep you updated as my experiment progresses.