Hypnosis review – five day update

I’ve been doing the hypnosis in the hypnosis app Hello Mind for five sessions out of the ten that are in a treatment package. As mentioned in an earlier blog post, Hypnosis and schizotypy, I have high hopes to kickstart my weight loss with the app.

I had started to loose the baby fat since the birth of my youngest son, but then all of a sudden I gained 10 kg without noticing as I was waltzing around in great loose dresses. Great. So instead of having to loose 10kg. I now need to loose 20. Seems like a goal that’s just impossible. And being on meds is, as we all know, bad for a stable BMI. Double trouble.

So this app promises to do everything, tap into my subconscious mind and control that insatiable urge I have to open the fridge every ten minutes. Because, that is my problem. Constantly opening the fridge because I just love food. Think I remember that my doctor said that meds make food cravings worse, again – this really sucks.

So back to the app. The verdict so far is that I am reaching for the fridge less often as I’m not constantly thinking about food at the moment. And as a quite brilliant side effect, it seems to work like a meditation session for me as well. Now, I’m really bad at following anything through, but this seems so effortlessly easy that I might just make it. Stay tuned for the final verdict on the app…

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Hypnosis and schizotypi

I’m all for trying new trends, new diets, new apps. But I rarely stick with them for very long at a time. Seems that my attention span is quite short, or else I feel that I don’t experience results fast enough. That was the case with meditation, the dukan diet, the soup diet and a plethora of other fads. Now I know that someone like me need to be vigilant about my health and eat correctly, exercise and meditate, and that it might even take my meds away – but changing habit is just so hard! The only thing that I’ve stuck to is taking my meds, and maybe because it’s so easy.

So enter the newest easy app on the horizon of health enhancement- Hello Mind . What seemed attractive in this hypnosis app,  is the ease whereby you can get a treatment at home laying in bed. And it’s not dangerous in any way. I know that you may be thinking; what if I fall asleep? what if I’m accidentally turned into a chicken? Won’t happen.

I’ve done a few sessions and basically it feels like the meditation apps but just a bit more silly in the voice over. Not that I mind. Having to loose 20 excess kg (meds, baby, good food, wine, will do that to you), I’ve decided to start out with some food management help to eat healthier. If this works, I plan to try the motivation for fitness and the treatment for touch sensitivenes. Yes, there is such a treatment. Might help out with my sex life. So high hopes for this one. I will keep you posted on the progress.

 

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Stress and schizotypy

So it happened again. I wasn’t carefull and just let my autopilot figure out things for me. Bad idea.

My meds weren’t working so I thought about what my psychiatrist told me last time. When I don’t think I had been listening properly, because if I had, I would have heard her tell me that I was experiencing stress symptoms. Stress leads to a heightening of all other symptoms which is a bad cocktail. And I just thought – is it really that bad? I can handle it.

But I couldn’t and we’ve had to restructure our way out of it so that I can have some space and time to relax and gear down. Which is sooo difficult. It’s strange that it’s almost my kids that are more stressfull to me than work. Though work play a really big role as well, chasing the kids is quite literally driving me nuts. Granted that I have a toddler as well makes chasing the kids a full time job. And now doubt that I feel really guilty about this. I should be the mom filled with extra time and energy and abundance of love.

But now I’m pulling out all the artilleries and step by step moving back into a healthy sphere. In a weeks time, I’ll be starting a yoga/meditation boot camp and trying for a healthier diet and more water. Breaking my unhealthy stress habits is going to be hard though, like any habit. You can follow my progression here on the blog, with updates at least once a week.

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Autopilot – schizotypy driving

So I’ve mentioned my autopilot quite a few times. And with good reason. It’s the thing that lets me have a relatively normal life. But it’s also the thing that makes it difficult for me to get help when I need it. Most people have them, we would go nuts without them as our brains can’t handle the vast amounts of  information we’re experiencing every minute. But it’s a fine balance.  Here are a few pros and cons of having an autopilot in my life.

Autopilot Good

  • Makes it difficult for people around me to see that I have schizotypal personality disorder, not too fond of preconceptions within the area.
  • Lets me do lots of things without thinking about them, and in a seemingly normal way. Not cognitively difficult tasks, but simple things.

Autopilot Bad

  • Makes it difficult for people around me to see that I have schizotypal personality disorder, meaning that my close family have a hard time seeing the danger signals and knowing when things are bad and I need some help getting help. Because for me it’s seldomly bad enough and it’s down prioritized in a busy life with job, kid, social life etc. Which is not good. I’m not great at putting my own priorities first.
  • When all everyday things just work out, I take on too many projects. That stresses me. And like sleep deprivation, stress triggers schizotypal symptoms to escalate.

So like many things, it’s complex. You need it, and then you don’t want it to take over too much. And like many things, awareness changes a lot. Being aware of my autopilot makes me more aware of my symptoms, and just that reflection in itself helps me to me more aware of my situation in general and take better care of myself.

 

 

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Mother’s day – parenting with schizotypy

Waking up – Mother’s Day

Having kids and schizotypy can sometimes be a challenge. Today it was mother’s day. A day filled with Hallmark cards and filled chocolates. But not for me. For me it was waking up to the smell of fresh coffee in my own bed after having slept a full night with no kids. Followed by Eggs Benedict (our style with salmon, roe and salad) with homemade Hollandaise outside in the sunshine. And some great gifts; my daughter had chosen a pretty dress for me and a large canvas. Seeing as it was unusually warm today, the kids jumped out of their clothes and donning nothing and a diaper set to work painting. The result was a beautiful canvas titled “The Robot Roberto”.

Kids, parenting and mental health issues

There is a lot of tabu about having kids and having a mental health issue. And I must say, that the media  often portrays borderliners, schizophrenics and the rest of us in rather odd ways. Some things are recognizable, some are caricatures  or simple just misconceptions. And when it comes to parents with mental health issues, we are often thought of as irresponsible and extremely unstable.  Another reason why I’m anonymous. Society is just not good at handling well functioning and ‘un stereotypical’ parents with mental health issues. Having schizotypy does not make me a worse parent, it makes me a very reflective parent who sometimes has ups and downs in terms of what my emotional life can and does and is.

 

Cold and indifference and love

The complexity of emotional coldness is heart wrenching. When I was pregnant with my daughter, before my diagnosis and medication, I was sure that having here would pop the bubble of indifference. This fog that engulfs me when I’m not feeling well. When I was 14, I called it ‘the dollhouse’. A pseudo reality.

But her birth didn’t pop the bubble, and the shame of not feeling the overwhelming first love with your newborn grew. Thought I had postpartum depression at one point. But after I got some help, had a brief stint in hospital and got my diagnosis or box, acceptance kind of gave me peace. At least it gave me something to work from and and that allowed love to grow. Perhaps I was young and thought love had to be a certain way. Perhaps I was naive. Perhaps a lot of things. But now the love for my children is immense, and grows day by day. My understanding of what parenting is has also changed, become more nuanced, more complex and deep. And that also helps grow our relationship and love.

Autopilot

My children don’t notice that I’m different, my autopilot is too good for that. So most people don’t know the difference if I’m in a bad period because I compensate and rationally analyze how every situation should be according to the norms. The norms are my guide, and I NEVER cross that line even though it is tempting. Because I am not so sure that I could get back in the other side again. So for the sake of my family and myself, autopilot me is what keeps me out of the sad statistics and in a normal and fulfilling life. And in between the more and more rare periods of bubbles, I am truly happy. Something that I wish for everyone, but especially mothers today.

So all mothers in my segment, chin up – it’s ok. We’re all different. And we all experience shame and confusion and sadness as well as the good – that makes us human and ok.  And trying and loving is all that matters. Cheesy but true. And Happy Mother’s day – we all deserve Eggs Benedict in the sunshine!

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