I started this blog post at 2.30 in the middle of the night, a night where my youngest wouldn’t sleep. Seems like ages ago, but actually, it was only last night. Now that the daylight has come up, and I’ve had my first flat white, the coffee is working and I’m a new person. Well almost, because anyone who has a schizotypal personality disorder will know that losing sleep is one of the worst things that can happen to escalate symptoms.And my youngest seems to be perpetually teething and waking up constantly.
This sleep thing is actually double sided for me. When my eldest was little, she had everything that would make a child wake up during the night and cry. Some nights we were up 30 some times. I’m not exaggerating. I counted. That loss of sleep, and never getting 5 consecutive hours, was what made me go and submit myself to the hospital.
That awful situation had a silver lining, because I got my diagnosis. Which to many might not be a great thing to get. But for me, it was something I had been waiting for for years. I always sort of knew that I was different, and wanted a box to put it inside. Now that I’ve got my schizotypal personality disorder box, I’ve got a frame from where to work with myself. But as most psychiatrists will tell you, you are never 100% inside a box. Not one box. As every person and experience/disorder/whateveryouwanttocallit is different.
So to not experience too many of the dark and negative sides of my diagnosis, I need to sleep as no sleep brings the negative symptoms, which are not my cup of tea. Give me the positive any day. But not the negative.
So get some sleep! (note to self)