I’ve decided to tapper out of my Abilify. The decision came after a lot of thought and a chat with my doctor. Since I’m in the mild end of the spectrum anyways, he didn’t seem too concerned. I have a uni degree, a family, a mortgage and a job so my function level with or without meds is still pretty high for someone with schizotypy. That that doesn’t mean that I’m not affected by not having the meds. But as the song goes; the drugs don’t work.
For a while now some of my sense of the unreal has come back and I’m starting to think that that side effects are worse than what good it does for me. Like the excessive weight gain and the fact that I feel ten percent more stupid. And that’s probably the worst, because one thing is becoming fat – but fat and dumb. That’s just too much for me too handle. And since my sense of the unreal isn’t going away anyways like it did last time I was on 15 mg of Abilify, I’ve decided to tapper out slowly so I don’t shock my system.
Progress so far…
First few days on 10 mg of Abilify – worst heat trips and I felt like I had had 20 espressos. My body was on edge and in withdrawal. Head aches and more(!) weight gain.
After about two week- still weight gain and occasional heat trips but the buzzing is gone.
The plan is to take one pack at 10 mg (56 days) and then go down to 5 mg. Hopefully it will go more smoothly next time i tapper down.
If you’ve had similar experiences, please share in the comments.:)
It’s the dead of winter in Scandinavia, and everyone is supposedly winter depressed as we only have very few hours of daylight and barely any sun. But we had frost last night, and woke up very early to a city covered in a fine white sheet. As the day wore on this poetic view changed and we are left with the perfect Nordic Noir. Time for ‘hygge’. Time for family. Time for hot mulled wine and candles. Blankets of clouds cover the city with dusty rain.
Surprisingly, this mood is more poetic and interesting to me. I don’t get depressed, I enjoy the melancholy beauty. Makes me feel. And that is one of the challenges of my schizotypy, that I’m often encapsulated in a fog and feeling the highs and lows can be difficult. So the ‘noir’ is a time for reflection. And reflection on other things than myself. Which is something I have a tendency to do. Time for good books, and since it’s just been Christmas, I have a neat little stack of new comers to my bulging shelves. Books are an escape, but also a trigger/short cut to emotions outside of what my daily life offers. I need this escape, as I’ sure many schizotypal people do.
I’ve been doing the hypnosis in the hypnosis app Hello Mind for five sessions out of the ten that are in a treatment package. As mentioned in an earlier blog post, Hypnosis and schizotypy, I have high hopes to kickstart my weight loss with the app.
I had started to loose the baby fat since the birth of my youngest son, but then all of a sudden I gained 10 kg without noticing as I was waltzing around in great loose dresses. Great. So instead of having to loose 10kg. I now need to loose 20. Seems like a goal that’s just impossible. And being on meds is, as we all know, bad for a stable BMI. Double trouble.
So this app promises to do everything, tap into my subconscious mind and control that insatiable urge I have to open the fridge every ten minutes. Because, that is my problem. Constantly opening the fridge because I just love food. Think I remember that my doctor said that meds make food cravings worse, again – this really sucks.
So back to the app. The verdict so far is that I am reaching for the fridge less often as I’m not constantly thinking about food at the moment. And as a quite brilliant side effect, it seems to work like a meditation session for me as well. Now, I’m really bad at following anything through, but this seems so effortlessly easy that I might just make it. Stay tuned for the final verdict on the app…
I’m all for trying new trends, new diets, new apps. But I rarely stick with them for very long at a time. Seems that my attention span is quite short, or else I feel that I don’t experience results fast enough. That was the case with meditation, the dukan diet, the soup diet and a plethora of other fads. Now I know that someone like me need to be vigilant about my health and eat correctly, exercise and meditate, and that it might even take my meds away – but changing habit is just so hard! The only thing that I’ve stuck to is taking my meds, and maybe because it’s so easy.
So enter the newest easy app on the horizon of health enhancement- Hello Mind . What seemed attractive in this hypnosis app, is the ease whereby you can get a treatment at home laying in bed. And it’s not dangerous in any way. I know that you may be thinking; what if I fall asleep? what if I’m accidentally turned into a chicken? Won’t happen.
I’ve done a few sessions and basically it feels like the meditation apps but just a bit more silly in the voice over. Not that I mind. Having to loose 20 excess kg (meds, baby, good food, wine, will do that to you), I’ve decided to start out with some food management help to eat healthier. If this works, I plan to try the motivation for fitness and the treatment for touch sensitivenes. Yes, there is such a treatment. Might help out with my sex life. So high hopes for this one. I will keep you posted on the progress.
So it happened again. I wasn’t carefull and just let my autopilot figure out things for me. Bad idea.
My meds weren’t working so I thought about what my psychiatrist told me last time. When I don’t think I had been listening properly, because if I had, I would have heard her tell me that I was experiencing stress symptoms. Stress leads to a heightening of all other symptoms which is a bad cocktail. And I just thought – is it really that bad? I can handle it.
But I couldn’t and we’ve had to restructure our way out of it so that I can have some space and time to relax and gear down. Which is sooo difficult. It’s strange that it’s almost my kids that are more stressfull to me than work. Though work play a really big role as well, chasing the kids is quite literally driving me nuts. Granted that I have a toddler as well makes chasing the kids a full time job. And now doubt that I feel really guilty about this. I should be the mom filled with extra time and energy and abundance of love.
But now I’m pulling out all the artilleries and step by step moving back into a healthy sphere. In a weeks time, I’ll be starting a yoga/meditation boot camp and trying for a healthier diet and more water. Breaking my unhealthy stress habits is going to be hard though, like any habit. You can follow my progression here on the blog, with updates at least once a week.