Going off meds

I’ve decided to tapper out of my Abilify. The decision came after a lot of thought and a chat with my doctor. Since I’m in the mild end of the spectrum anyways, he didn’t seem too concerned. I have a uni degree, a family, a mortgage and a job so my function level with or without meds is still pretty high for someone with schizotypy. That that doesn’t mean that I’m not affected by not having the meds. But as the song goes; the drugs don’t work.

For a while now some of my sense of the unreal has come back and I’m starting to think that that side effects are worse than what good it does for me. Like the excessive weight gain and the fact that I feel ten percent more stupid. And that’s probably the worst, because one thing is becoming fat – but fat and dumb. That’s just too much for me too handle. And since my sense of the unreal isn’t going away anyways like it did last time I was on 15 mg of Abilify, I’ve decided to tapper out slowly so I don’t shock my system.

Progress so far…

First few days on 10 mg of Abilify – worst heat trips and I felt like I had had 20 espressos. My body was on edge and in withdrawal. Head aches and more(!) weight gain.

After about two week- still weight gain and occasional heat trips but the buzzing is gone.

The plan is to take one pack at 10 mg (56 days) and then go down to 5 mg. Hopefully it will go more smoothly next time i tapper down.

If you’ve had similar experiences, please share in the comments.:)

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Alcohol and medication

So I like a glass of wine once in a while. Actually, I’m always the last person to leave a party. So I really like a glass of wine once in a while. But how does that affect you when you are on medication? Doctors and leaflets all proclaim that you will be more sensitive to alcohol if you are one medication. Need less to feel the effect. My verdict? Mostly true. I feel it faster and I get more serious headaches.

So my advice is pretty simple. Drink slowly and make sure that you keep an eye on how you are feeling. All medication and all people are different. And drink responsibly. Especially now that you are on already on the crazy boat. Which is an ok place to be.

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Week 2 back on medication – body conscious

Another weekend is just ending and my second week back on meds is just beginning. ┬áSo far so good. No side effects that are terrible – the hangovers have gone away and I’m actually enjoying the buzz a bit every night after I take my little pill. Guilty, I know it’s drugs and you probably shouldn’t enjoy it. Let’s call it a positive side effect.

I’m still having difficulty feeling my body though, just like many with schizotypal personality disorder. This was one of the reasons why I chose to go back on medication, this crazy unattachment to my body. One thing that is changing with my body, is my libido. It seems that the indifference or even repulsion that I’ve had over sex is going away. Slowly. And I’m not jumping to any conclusions, but that seems pretty good! Being in your body this way, is one of the most primal and natural situations and being able to relax in it feels pretty good. Also in my head. And also for my relationship. No surprise there, this has been a big struggle for us as it is often difficult for partners to understand the situation fully.

 

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first week back on meds

medications

It’s the first week still, i know. ┬áSinus infection might not be helping too much either. But my head is so heavy, and as soon as I take my tiny pill I get ever so drowsy and feel like a hangover has arrived. Instant hangover. With no drinking. Kind of a bummer. But this is just the start, and I’ve been here before, It will change a thousand time before the medication finds it’s stabile point and I start seeing life in colour again. Which I must admit that I’m looking forward to.

Sometimes it bubbles strangely in my stomach, bit like butterflies. or like the feeling before the feeling before throwing up. Or being hungry. Mostly I’m just hungry. I could eat anything anytime anywhere.

And then the irritability (which is worsened by the pseudo hangover) that makes me unbearable to my family. But I make an effort and it’s only a short time before things get normal, so we just laugh at it. Unless us adults get bickering after the kids are asleep. But still just a phase.

On the other sides, things will most likely be different and better. And as most schizotypy people know, things are always just a bit different. As if we’ve been let in on a secret no one else has. Luckily, I mostly have positive symptoms; creative thinking, high IQ and ladida like that. But this sense of the unreal taking over is what really gets to me. Which is why I’m back on meds after having a break when trying to have our second child and nursing. My autopilot is fantastic so nobody will ever know about my ‘thing’ unless I tell them. But it is a huge part of my life. I’m just lucky to have the ability and people around me to deal with all of this and lead a perfectly normal life as well. Something I think a lot of people do, but don’t tell anyone about. So if you want to share a story, comment or send me an email – will do some features of other ‘strange’ people like myself in the future on the site!

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