Schizotypal body awareness challenge

My body awareness is awful. Really, really awful. Having schizotypal personality disorder, or actually something just outside that box, means that my relationship with my body fluctuates. Sometimes, I’m in control and feel at home in my body. Then, I’m in total balance. Which is my goal.

But when I’m not, it can get so bad that my hands (legs, ears, pinkies etc.) don’t feel like my own and I can’t recognize myself in the mirror. That’s when the whole seperate reality starts kicking in. More on that in a different post. I’m so used to it that by now I don’t think too much about it, my autopilot just takes me for a spin and nobody ever notices what is going on inside my head.

SO what can you do to ‘feel’ your body? All sensory experiences are options, which is anything that primarily involves the body and not my overactive brain. My brain tends to hijack these experiences as well though, food for example is not purely sensory but also a subject for highly analytical brain activities. So I’m making a list of positive experiences and will work my way through it:

  1. exercise – the hard kind that will hurt a bit and make you taste blood. Ok, maybe not every time, but that’s the gist.
  2. massage – by having someone else touch your body, to me it seems more ‘real’
  3. meditation – goal is to get rid of the thoughts and focus on bodily experiences
  4. sex – don’t suppose I need to explain that one, but practice helps

Challange: get brain to not participate analytically in any of the above activities

Will keep you updated as my experiment progresses.

 


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